Connect with Others
It’s possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone. It’s the connections we make with other people that help enrich our lives and get us through tough times, but sometimes it’s hard to know how to make those connections.
Fast facts
- Research shows it can take 50 hours for someone you don't know that well to turn into a true friend.
- During the week, Americans watch an average of 2.5 hours of TV per day, but only spend half an hour per day socializing.
- The number of friendships you have early in your adult life and the closeness of those relationships can influence your wellbeing 30 years later.
How connections help
Your friend gets your joke. Your co-worker offers congrats. Your spouse hugs you hello. They are all helping you bust stress and boost well-being. In fact, Mental Health America found that 71 percent of people surveyed turned to friends or family in times of stress.
Humans are social animals: We crave feeling supported, valued and connected.
Research points to the benefits of social connection:
- Increased happiness. In one compelling study, a key difference between very happy people and less-happy people was good relationships.
- Better health. Loneliness was associated with a higher risk of high blood pressure in a recent study of older people.
- A longer life. People with strong social and community ties were two to three times less likely to die during a 9-year study.
Sometimes connection is a heart-to-heart, spill-it-all-out talk. But sometimes it's just a laugh-out-loud e-mail.
Tips for connecting
There are places that you go to over and over again - these are great places to strike up conversations and start to make friends. At work you might ask a co-worker to join you for lunch or to grab a cup of coffee. If you have kids involved in extracurricular activities, you probably see the same other parents attending their practices or dropping them off each time. If you go to the gym at the same time each day, you may notice others who are on the same workout schedule.
Use your current situation as a topic to talk about. Maybe you’re stuck waiting in a long line, or you noticed someone is wearing a shirt from a place that you’ve been. Hometown sports, local news and events, or even the weather can also get a conversation going.
If you’re struggling to figure out what to say to someone to strike up a conversation, try starting with a compliment. You can comment on a person’s outfit, tattoo, or a piece of jewelry that you like and maybe ask them where they got it. Use their response to continue the conversation, for example if they tell you they got it at a certain store, ask where that is.
Going to work and taking care of life’s other daily responsibilities is time consuming and many of us feel exhausted by the end of the day. While it’s tempting to just sit on the sofa and zone out in front of the TV, that time can be spent in a more meaningful way. Set aside at least half an hour each day to connect with other people outside of work.
While spending time with someone face-to-face helps to create the strongest relationships, phone calls, text messaging, emails, and video chats can maintain friendships when distance or time constraints get in the way of hanging out.
If someone asks you to go somewhere or do something with them, accept their invitation. When you turn people down over and over, they may stop inviting you. It may not be your favorite place or activity, but you can use the time to build your friendship and suggest things you like better for the next time you get together with that person.
For instance, you may notice a family portrait or a pet’s picture on a coworker’s desk. Ask them how old their children are, or what their pet’s name is - and show genuine interest in their answers. Ask follow up questions and if appropriate, share something relevant about yourself, like how many children you have or the name of your pet.
If there is something that you are interested in doing, ask someone else (or a group of other people) to join you. It can be hard to make the first move, but it may end up that someone else wanted to do the same thing all along and was waiting to find out who else was interested. Don’t be discouraged if schedules don’t cooperate sometimes. Keep making invitations!