Caregiving for a romantic partner: Strategies for support

Relationships change over time, and one of the most significant shifts can happen when one person in the relationship takes on the role of a caregiver.  When this happens, it’s okay to be worried and unsure about what lies ahead. Acknowledging these feelings is an important part of taking care of both your partner, and your own mental health and well-being.

Remember that your partner is still the person you know and love. Your relationship is built on shared experiences, memories, and connection. While the future may bring some adjustments, open conversations about the changes you may experience can strengthen your bond and help you figure out what moving forward looks like for both of you. There are three common changes you may experience in shifting from a partner to a partner/caregiver.

Your expectations for your life together may change. For example, maybe you and your partner love to travel, but their condition has made it more difficult.

Changing your expectations might mean starting to rethink current and future plans. This is by no means easy, but it is necessary to accept that things will be different. You can always find new things to look forward to together and set new goals for your relationship.

Day-to-day life may not be the same. For example, your partner may not be able to contribute to the household in the way that they once could, whether that be financially, physically, or in other ways. This may lead you to take more responsibility for scheduling, planning, cleaning, working, or managing your household. All of this can be overwhelming and frustrating, and it’s okay to feel that way.

It can take time to adjust, to find a new balance, and to figure out what works best for you and your partner. Maybe that looks like revisiting your budget, setting new routines, or organizing certain chores on specific days. It may look like getting outside help from a housekeeper, nanny, babysitter, friend, or other support. No matter what you decide to do, know that it is normal to work through some trial and error as you carve out what daily life looks like.

Many things impact intimacy in a relationship, and caregiving can be one of them. Your partner may be experiencing symptoms or side effects that affect their energy, capacity, and libido. Additionally, you may be exhausted from the responsibilities of caregiving or even feel conflicted about intimacy with your partner because of a change in their physical or cognitive condition.

While this can be discouraging, it doesn’t mean that intimacy has to completely disappear. Maybe it looks different – like honoring each other’s love languages, having long talks, or doing physical touch on good days.

Talking to your partner, being honest about your feelings, and working through intimacy changes together can help keep intimacy alive. It takes patience and communication, but it is possible.

The transition from being a partner to being both a partner and a caregiver takes time, patience, and compassion. It is important to find strategies and healthy coping skills that can support yourself, your partner, and your relationship. The actions below can help you and your partner work through your feelings and challenges together.

Have open and honest communication

Talk to your partner about your concerns, fears, and worries, and listen to theirs as well. Keeping this open channel of communication can help you understand each other better and figure out how to address issues together.

Practice patience and grace

Caregiving comes with a lot of responsibility, pressure, and even tension. There are going to be ups and downs, easy days and hard days. During difficult times, it’s important to give grace to yourself and your partner. Try taking a breath before reacting, showing appreciation for effort, listening openly, and taking a break and coming back to the discussion later if emotions are running high. Things won’t always go smoothly, but how you handle these times makes a difference in your relationship.

Accept things the way they are

It’s hard, but sometimes you have to accept that you can’t control how everything is going to happen. Accepting the reality of your situation and the things that you may not be able to change can help you meet your partner where they are.

Maintain a social life and coping skills outside of your relationship

It’s easy to get lost in caregiving, especially when caring for your partner. Remember that you are more than just a caregiver or a partner. It’s important to still make time to talk to friends, do hobbies and activities that you enjoy, and find time for yourself.

Talk to a therapist

A therapist can help listen to and validate your feelings about caregiving. They can also provide structure, perspective, and support. While you are supporting your partner, a therapist can help to support you.

There are always ups and downs in a relationship, and this is also the case when you’re caregiving for your partner. Knowing what to expect and what you can do can help you and your partner meet and overcome any obstacles, difficulties, or frustrations together.

If you or a friend are struggling with your mental health, take an anonymous, free, and private mental health test. It only takes a few minutes, and after you are finished, you will be given information about the next steps you can take based on the results.

Take a screen

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.