How adults can support young people’s mental health: 5 insights from youth advocates

Max Delgado was sitting in front of his parents with his hands over his face, finally sharing everything he’d been struggling with for the past year. He didn’t want advice or solutions. “All I want to hear back is, ‘We understand you, and we love you. We’re here for you,’” he says. “People want support. They don’t want a lecture.”

As the new school year begins, many adults are wondering how to be that support for young people in their lives. We spoke with four young mental health advocates about what adult support has actually meant to them. What they shared may be simpler than expected: it’s not about having perfect responses or professional training. It’s about showing up as a human being.

Treat their emotions as valid, even if it seems blown out of proportion.

Max remembers adults who would dismiss his struggles by comparing them to worse situations. “There’d be times where an adult would ask me about how I was feeling…and they would just bring up stories about their niece or nephew that could be going through something objectively worse than what you’re going through.

The urge to say “it could be worse” comes from wanting to help and provide perspective, but it just made Max feel guilty for having feelings at all. “That doesn’t make me feel better. That just…honestly, that makes me feel more sad.”

Cole Ramsey, a youth advocate from Indiana, underscored this advice. “Sometimes it can feel like what kids are going through is kind of trivial. And while it would be fantastic for a 16-year-old to be able to realize [the bigger context], when you’re in the moment, you’re going through all those emotions, and it really does feel like the end of the world,” Cole explains. “It’s just really important to treat their emotions as valid, and what they’re going through as valid, even if it may seem way blown out of proportion.”

Signal that you’re safe to talk to.

Keegan Lee, a college student and digital wellness advocate, can spot which adults are actually safe to talk to. “There is a certain vibe that they give that kind of creates the space to let you know, consciously or unconsciously, that you can be vulnerable and talk about your mental health,” she explains. “A lot of it is in someone’s body language and tone of voice, and thinking about nonverbals as well.”

Sometimes the invitation is even more subtle. Keegan appreciated professors who would note on their syllabi or office doors that they had received mental health first aid training. No pressure, just a signal that the door was open.

Cole found safety with a teacher who balanced high expectations with genuine care. “She wasn’t an easy teacher, by any means, but she was also incredibly understanding and patient with you, and always wanted to see you as a person succeed, first and foremost.” This teacher created an environment where students could step into a back room when they needed space, knowing they’d still be expected to get their work done eventually.

See them as whole people, not problems to fix.

Saran Tugsjargal was five when she was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. For 13 years, she worked with a therapist who became like a second mother to her. What made this relationship different?

“She was the first person who said to me, I see you, I hear you, and I’m right next to you,” Saran recalls. “You’re basically the first person who didn’t try to fix me. Who didn’t silence me, but just stayed right there with me, without judging me.”

Saran learned to navigate a world that often misunderstood how she expressed herself. “There are different ways for people to express themselves. The way that [neurodivergent people] express our emotions and feelings can come off to people as loud or disruptive.”

Her advice to adults is straightforward: “Never judge a book by its cover. Really take the time to understand that kid and what’s going on in their life. When you stop making assumptions and you don’t judge people, you’re really able to understand them.”

Build trust before diving deep.

Trust is earned. This is something many adults are quick to remind youth about, yet seem to forget also applies to themselves. “Don’t ask hard questions in the very beginning,” Saran advises, particularly for educators. “Not everyone wants to open those conversations in the very beginning of the year, because it’s very uncomfortable.”

Instead, Cole remembers the adults who made a difference through small, consistent gestures. They would “check in with me and just be like, hey, how are you doing? Or, is there anything I can help with? Or just make brief conversation about something they knew I cared about.”

Being upfront about your role helps, too. If you’re in a position where you’d need to escalate certain information, Saran suggests being transparent about that. Young people need “language that’s actually kid-friendly” to understand what different types of support actually mean and what might happen if they share certain things.

Foster resilience, not dependence.

When Max finally had that conversation with his parents, he didn’t need them to fix anything. “When somebody’s spilling their heart out at you, I just want you guys to listen. I want you to understand.”

That moment shouldn’t have to happen, he reflects. “It shouldn’t get to that point. I haven’t felt like I have an outlet to say all of this stuff, and now I’ve hit my breaking point.” The goal isn’t just being there for moments of crisis – it’s creating regular outlets so young people don’t reach that breaking point alone.

Keegan explains the balance effective adults strike: support should be “both very comforting and helpful, but also gives the person a lot of courage and autonomy in finding the strength to take care of themselves.”

This means standing alongside young people as they work through challenges rather than swooping in to solve everything for them. It’s the difference between “I’ll handle this” and “I’m here while you figure this out.”

The young people we talked to didn’t just receive this kind of support. They became advocates and leaders themselves, creating positive change in their communities. They learned how to show up for others because adults first showed up for them.

Supporting young people’s mental health doesn’t require perfect words or professional training.

• Start with small, authentic check-ins.
• Listen more than you talk.
• Validate their experiences without trying to minimize or fix them.
• Take time to really understand the individual young people in your life, beyond any labels or first impressions.
• Be transparent about your role and any limitations you have.

Most importantly, remember what Saran’s therapist told her, and what she now tells others: “I see you, I hear you, and I’m right next to you.” Sometimes, that’s everything.