When everyone seems to know everyone else (and everyone’s business), things you wish would stay private sometimes become a hot topic. Unfortunately, this can be common in small towns. If you’ve realized that people seem to know about your mental health concerns even though you haven’t said anything, this article can help you manage the situation.
Key points
Seeking help for your mental health is a sign of strength. While you may wish that your struggles stayed private, it is important not to let the attitudes of others harm your mental health.
It’s up to you how much you share about your experience. You don’t have to tell anyone anything or answer questions if you don’t want to.
If you choose to share your story with others, it can be a way to control the conversation about your experience, reduce stigma, and share resources.
Take care of yourself
Just like for any health condition, it is understandable if you want to keep your mental health care private. If you’re facing questions, sideways glances, or outright gossip, know that it is not a reflection of your worth. Seeking help for your mental health is a sign of strength. You’ve already done something many people never manage to do – you took action to acknowledge your struggles and get help. It’s important to keep caring for yourself and protecting your peace as you work on your well-being.
- Mentally prepare yourself.Before situations where you will be asked about your mental health, take deep breaths, practice grounding exercises, or repeat affirmations.
- Find and create a support system of people who “get it.” It helps to have someone to talk to and process things with. This could be a trusted friend, a family member, a faith leader, or a peer support group. If you feel like it’s hard to know who will keep your conversations private, there are online communities and warmlines to turn to. Having people who understand what you’re going through makes it easier to tune out the rest.
- Try not to overthink things. Not every glance or conversation is about you, even though it can feel that way when you’re feeling vulnerable or exposed.
- Have your coping toolbox ready. After difficult encounters, it can be tempting to turn to unhealthy ways of coping, so think ahead of time about the healthy coping strategies you can use to deal with uncomfortable feelings.
Make choices about sharing
Most of the time, questions come from genuine concern, even if they’re worded clumsily. That doesn’t make them any less awkward, and you don’t owe anyone any information about your health. It’s up to you to decide if you are going to share any information at all. Here are some things to think about so you can be prepared if your mental health comes up.
- Who do you want to share information with? Some people are more trustworthy than others, and deciding who you want to discuss your mental health with is just as important as deciding who you don’t want to talk to about it. According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, you are not required to tell your employer about your mental health condition unless you would like to ask for accommodations.
- What details do you want to share? It can be painful to talk about what has affected your well-being. You don’t have to share anything about your mental health or treatment experiences that you don’t want to, and it’s important that you don’t re-traumatize yourself to satisfy the curiosity of others. Think through the boundaries you want to set. It’s perfectly okay to say: “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not talk about that right now.”
Practice protecting your privacy
If you feel someone is asking about your mental health because they are being nosy or judgmental, it’s okay to disengage. Practice brushing off questions or redirecting the conversation. A short, confident response can shut down someone who is prying for information without creating tension. Here are some things you can try saying if someone asks something you don’t want to answer:
- “I had to take some time to focus on my health.”
- “I was dealing with some stuff in my personal life and needed to prioritize that.”
- “That’s personal, but I’m doing what’s best for me.”
- “I’m focusing on my recovery, and that’s what matters most.”
- “Thanks for asking, but I don’t feel like going into detail.”
Educate others (if you want to)
Curiosity isn’t always cruelty, even though it can feel that way. People may be influenced by outdated ideas about mental health, or come from a culture where struggles are kept behind closed doors.
What feels like unwanted attention may open up an opportunity to challenge harmful stereotypes. Sharing your mental health and recovery experiences can be empowering because you get to decide how your story is told.
It can be helpful to have a few quick resources to share, since many people ask about someone else’s mental health when they have concerns about their own.
- Screening: MHAScreening.org is a free, private, and anonymous way to check to see if you are experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition. After a quick online test, you will get instant results, along with tools and resources to help you determine next steps.
- Crisis: The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a 24/7 service for people who are facing mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns, or just need someone to talk to. Trained counselors can be reached by calling or texting 988, or visiting chat.988lifeline.org.
Living in a small or rural community means people may know more about your life than you’d like, but it also means that your courage can make it easier for the next person to seek help.
Take a mental health test
If you or a friend are struggling with your mental health, take an anonymous, free, and private mental health test. It only takes a few minutes, and after you are finished, you will be given information about the next steps you can take based on the results.
