How to manage the ups and downs of recovery as a caregiver

Recovery from a mental health condition is not a linear process. There may be moments where it feels like your loved one is taking a step back after moving forward –  such as experiencing a relapse, hospitalization, or crisis. These moments can be tough, and it’s okay to feel sad, disappointed, confused, or discouraged. when setbacks happen. You are human. At the same time, it can help to remember that ups and downs are part of a normal healing journey. You are not alone, and there are strategies that can help you navigate next steps with resilience and hope.

Acknowledge how you’re really feeling

When taking care of someone else, there’s pressure to put on a happy face, shield others from bad news, and/or temporarily pretend that everything is going to be fine. But this leads to feeling disconnected from what you’re saying and how you really feel.

If your loved one’s recovery takes an unexpected turn, it’s okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, lost, exhausted, overwhelmed, etc.. It’s okay to grieve and be unsure about the future. Pausing and taking time to label the emotions you’re experiencing can help you figure out what you need to feel better and how to process and move forward. It can also help to lean on trusted connections in your network, who can listen and support you during difficult times. For instance, opening up about how you are really feeling to friends, family members, or support groups.

Because your loved one is in your care, you may feel personally responsible for your loved one’s well-being. So you may blame yourself when things don’t go “right.” But it’s important to remember that while you may have responsibility, there are many things – like illnesses, difficult life circumstances, and their moods or actions – that are out of your control.

It’s okay to feel hurt or disappointed by the ups and downs of recovery. But it’s not okay for you to carry the weight of blame or guilt for things that you don’t have control over. You are only one person, and you can only do so much. Separating what you can control from what you can’t can help you cope during difficult caregiving moments.

A difficult part of caregiving is dealing with what other people think. For example, coworkers may make comments about the time you take off work. Or nosy neighbors may pass judgment based on what they hear or see from afar. Even family members who are “just trying to help” can be harsh when sharing their thoughts on your caregiving choices. No matter who the person is, their criticism can create worry and shame.

Though sometimes it may not feel like it, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. It’s estimated that 14.6 million adults (5.6%) in the U.S. had a serious mental health condition that limited their ability to function. This means that there are other caregivers out there who know what you are going through, and there are supports and resources to help you in your caregiving journey.

You can also set boundaries and prepare what you want to say when people ask uncomfortable questions or give unsolicited advice. This resource includes examples of things you can say if you don’t want to talk or are not feeling okay. Leaning on trusted members of your support network when dealing with judgment can help you let go and keep going in your caregiving journey.

Navigating the ups and especially the downs of your loved one’s recovery can be exhausting and stressful at times. So, it’s important to find ways to cope with all the stress. Some small, actionable, and healthy ways to handle the stress of caregiving include:

• Practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation
• Going for a walk or being outside in nature
• Dancing or listening to music
• Creating art, writing, or another creative expression
• Connecting with and spending time with others

Showing up and making time for yourself is just as important as showing up and making time for your loved one. But often, caregivers put aside their needs for others. While this is admirable, neglecting your needs for too long adds to even more stress in the long run. Sometimes, finding the smallest things – like a cup of coffee, a moment in the sunshine, or a text from a friend can keep you going. Even in the hardest of times, you deserve moments to pause, breathe, and find peace.

If you or a friend are struggling with your mental health, take an anonymous, free, and private mental health test. It only takes a few minutes, and after you are finished, you will be given information about the next steps you can take based on the results.

Take a screen

Mental health caregiving is a marathon with many hurdles, obstacles, twists, and turns. While we all want our loved ones to get better and heal, sometimes they will progress, and sometimes they will decline. Taking time to acknowledge and accept the difficulties that may be ahead can help you figure out how to deal with challenges as they arise.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.